


What is to Be

by SwampWitch333



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/F, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 10:19:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15794523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwampWitch333/pseuds/SwampWitch333
Summary: Vera on Joan





	What is to Be

Why did you chose me? What did you do to me?  
This push pull is unhealthy. How much research into psychology will it take? For me to make you feel as if you are deserving of love?  
You lead me on only to ignore me.  
I adore you. You care about me and you've shown me so many times.  
Are you confused, do you feel afraid, unworthy of love? I am trying to prove my unconditional love for you despite the years, miles, and obstacles.  
We are all afraid of being hurt emotionally.  
Was it my innocence that attracted you? For i am not innocent.  
You make excuses as to why we cannot be. Yet you want me. And when you do, you do all you can to convince me you don't. You pull away whenever we get to close. Each time. I always give you space and came back. To repeat the toxic pattern. Yes, I'm well aware. I don't want to give up on you. You are worth everything to me.  
Nor do i want to seek out others, as they will never compare to you. Ever. A waste of my time as others will not, have not, and cannot live up to you.  
Why do we fall in love with who we do? Biology, science, fate? All if the above?  
I'm well versed in psychology, an ever changing "science", and still i wait. I'm not repeating patterns of childhood headshrinking. I'm too aware for that.  
I want to help you, even if i lose you to another. Then my purpose will be served at the least. I'm not asking for much, nor a hand in marriage. Just live in the moment for me, with me. I'm sorry i failed your "tests". I prefer bluntness. Yet i understand you were scared and had to self sabotage. You transference is obvious when you make excuses of our age difference. Yet like many other things, i do not point it out or bring any inconsistencies up. Should i? Will i lose you? I accept that you are traumatised and struggling. I love you unconditionally despite the times you lied to boost yourself. You torment me and i allow it. I've options yet only you suffice. What that says of me, i do not care. I care about us. I would trade my life for a good hour with you in bliss. Even 15 minutes. You keep leaving me in wait? I've heard all the excuses. I've also seen acts of love. You've made be a better, stronger person. Cut raw to the bone over and over. Your all i have in this world and i want nor seek no others. Futile, and pointless. We're both behind bars, confined in our own prisons. Maybe i more than you as i am cursed with more feelings. I will drive myself into my grave chasing you and that is fine with me. I will burrow underground and suffocate beside you. If i perish before, i will watch over you until the end. If I've fell into past tense, I'm almost emotionally dead. Two avoidants going in circles, one with more hope than the other. Perhaps your the one with more hope and a lot to lose. Time will tell, and I'm running out and your all i have left.


End file.
